Artemus Thurman's Fitness Special

Jody is still stuck in the warehouse. There's some weird stuff happening but that's no excuse to avoid a warm up. Janine has everyone looking for any scrap of information about Artemus Thurman - and it turns out, he made a workout tape in 1987, which Jody is going to play for you. Maybe it's a really good workout?

Jody starts Thurman's workout video. You hear 80s music and the voice of the elusive Artemus Thurman, recording from a Burbank sound stage. First up is Power Squats! Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, bend your knees like you're going to sit down, then raise your arms and jump up, bringing your hands above your head. One minute of those! Good job, and now it's time for a commercial break!

Jody hopes you don't mind that she switched back to music instead of adverts for beach houses. The video is weird; Thurman doesn't do the exercises, just paces the stage in a lycra bodysuit. Time for part two! Thurman talks about the glory of the free market, but it's time for the next exercise, Abdominal Crunches. Lie on your back with your feet on the ground, your knees bent, and your hands by your ears. Then raise your torso off the floor using your abs. One minute of crunches! Now time for more adverts; boom boxes, digital watches, casette players, they'll be around forever!

Thurman talks about the rumours that he is in financial trouble, and insists that everything is fine. Hardship is life's way of making sure that you deserve outrageous profits! Next up it's backwards lunges. Stand with your feet hip width apart, take a big step backwards with your right foot, and lower your hips towards the floor, keeping your left shin vertical. Raise your right ankle away from the ground, then rise back to your starting position. Thirty seconds on each foot! The sound is overcome by static, and Jody tells you that she's going to find a replacement wire.

Jody found a cable, and takes you back to the workout video. Thurman says that there's no point worrying about pollution, or the ozone layer, not when there's an apocalypse coming. He believes that the Russians will do it, drop bombs out of spite. Anyway, it's time for Staggered Press-ups! Get into a push-up position, parallel to the floor, help up on your hands and toes. Now stagger your arms by putting one hand slightly ahead of the other and lower yourself to the floor and back up. Switch hands after every push-up. One minute! Thurman is interrupted by a producer telling him that he's distressing poeople. Thurman insists that people should be distressed, and yes, he has been drinking. Alright, one minute down. Take a break while Thurman speaks to his producer.

Thurman returns and tells you that he fired everyone in the studio - except for Greg the camera operator, because he doesn't whisper about how Thurman is crazy. But it isn't crazy to talk about what's coming. Thurman says that he made this tape so all of his customers would be in top shape for the apocalypse. After all, he needs his bit of the economy to survive! Now it's time for Plyometric Double Knee Jumps! Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, then squat down keeping your back straight. Then jump into the air, bringing your knees to your chest and your hands to your knees. Land on the balls of your feet with your knees bent. One minute of these! And that is time! Thurman talks about how he has many backup options if his bunker fails. His new book will cover every way of cheating death imaginable. Pre-order details coming up!

Jody says that's as far as the video goes. The last few minutes of the tape are static like it's degraded, or someone recorded over it. Thurman apparently died in 1991 in a skiing accident, with 10,000 witnesses, and he never finished the book. Whoever was hiding in his secret floor in the shopping centre was there for a reason, so there must be something useful there. You'll have to find that person and ask them!